This got deeper than I had intended... whoops

So our first 3 day break is fast approaching and I am ecstatic. I can't wait to be back in Ames for a few days. I have made some pretty good friends here and a couple of them who were here in years past have told me that this year is not typical. The company is largely lacking in competence, drive, and professionalism. But I am making the best of it. I take great pride in the work I do in the box office. I enjoy talking to the customers in person or on the phone and brightening their day by either fulfilling their expectation of a friendly and welcoming interaction or surprising them with it.

The shows here are selected explicitly for entertainment purposes, unfortunately. It is fun to provide the audience with an enjoyable evening of theatre, but I want to do theatre that matters. I want to make people think and ask questions like "why am I where I am?" and "how can I put purpose into my life?" This can be done in an entertaining way. Obviously it can because theatre is largely entertainment. But stories do not exist just to entertain. They should teach. They should challenge. They should remind people to care for one another.

There are very few acting challenges in this kind of theatre, which I am very disappointed about. I am here to learn and grow. Not just to showcase what I already know. But unfortunately, I don't feel like I am experiencing much growth in acting. However, I have been challenged to be patient with people who either don't care about the art or whose regard for it does not outmatch their own personal agendas or lack of capability. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn in this way as I am certain I will cross paths and work with similarly frustrating actors for the rest of my acting career, but I would much rather be surrounded by people who are exceedingly more talented than I am so that I could see masterful storytelling first hand every day and be a part of it. I don't want to do things just to do them or to be able to say I did them. Unless I am doing them to do them with excellence. Which would undoubtedly be accompanied by several noble side effects such as growth and learning, beautiful storytelling, deep meaningful relationships, self fulfilment and fulfilment within the company, useful experiences, precision and depth, and above the rest: reminding the audience of their reality and the incredible but fleeting opportunity they have every day to live it with intentionality and with the knowledge that they will never get to do it over again.

I refuse to be robbed of these integral byproducts of this art I love so much. This experience will not deter me from these goals, because I know without a doubt that they are anything but unreasonable. Instead my experiences here will serve to spur me on to do theatre with immense reverence for my own transient existence and that of everyone around me. We only get one chance. And this should not lead us to stress out over it. In fact, it ought to squelch the hold that stress threatens over us. Because in acknowledging that we only have one chance, we should understand that every moment we spend on stress is a moment full of love and meaning lost.


I just can't comprehend people who so easily disregard their mortality and who spend each day just waiting for the next. Where is the purpose? Where is the meaning? What would keep you going? And most of all, in living in such a way, how could you not spend each moment regretting the hundreds before it that you have thrown away and wasted?

Not me. I'm here. And while I'm here, I'm going to live. Not just exist. But live. And I am ineffably excited to spread this gospel in the way I live my life. In hopes that some of the people who are living stagnant, dormant existences will wake up and join me. I sincerely hope so. For their sakes.



W